Can't Fight this Feeling Anymore
by Siamese2005
Summary: Kenshin is worried about bringing harm to Kaoru, but he can't fight his feelings for her any longer. Oneshot!


(Hello! I absolutely adore this couple so i had to write a short little blurp on them getting together sooner! Heehee.

Me no own, you no sue.)

**Can't Fight this Feeling Anymore**

Kenshin sighed as he looked across the yard, laundry in his arms. For the moment everything was peaceful at the dojo, even Kaoru and Yahiko had not been arguing. Kenshin lowered his gaze, the peace, however, would not last…not with him here anyway. Slowly Kenshin leaned against a pillar of the dojo. He hated being the cause of the violence at this peaceful dojo…bringing danger to his friends…his family. A ghost of a smile spread onto Kenshin's mouth. _Family_. He took another deep breath, closing his eyes, trying to block out the pain and the memories when…

"Boo!"

On instinct, Kenshin threw down the laundry and whipped out his katana, pinning the attacker against the dojo wall, pressing the katana to their throat.

"Kenshin!" Came a soft, familiar voice. "It's just me!"

Kenshin's eyes flashed from amber back to violet at the sight of blue eyes laughing up at him. Fear and guilt ran through Kenshin's body.

"Miss Kaoru!! Oh Miss Kaoru I am so sorry, that I am!"

Kaoru chuckled, brushing herself off.

'I should have known better than to do that…' She thought to herself with a smile.

"Don't worry, Kenshin. You didn't hurt me at all!"

Kenshin, wracked with guilt, stared at Kaoru in shock.

'She's not afraid…I attacked her and she is still not afraid.' He thought to himself.

Kenshin clenched his fists, his eyes wavering. 'I don't deserve your trust Miss Kaoru, that I do not.'

Kaoru saw the inner battle raging in Kenshin's beautiful eyes and cursed her stupidity. She should never have snuck up on him. She knew he was always on guard…but she just could not hold back the urge to tease him.

"Kenshin really! It was self-defense; it was not your fault! If it was anyone's it was mine, I should not have snuck up on you."

Kenshin stared at her, his heart aching.

"It is not your fault Miss Kaoru, that it is not. You should be able to sneak up on me without…without me…please excuse me." He mumbled as he bowed before turning and walking down towards the wooded path that led to town.

Kaoru felt like hitting herself. Why had she been so insistent on getting Kenshin to play with her? Why had she been so stupid? He already blamed himself for so many things and she had just added to it!

"Sano!" She cried to the handsome ex fighter-for-hire, now mangy freeloader.

Sanosuke looked up from his spot in the shade to look upon the girl he saw as his sister.

"What's up Little Missy?"

"Could you watch the dojo for me?" Kaoru asked, not taking her eyes off the spot Kenshin had once stood. "I'd be right back."

"Sure but…" Sano started but Kaoru had already started running after Kenshin, shouting a "Thank you".

Sano smiled as Yahiko walked up.

"Hey Rooster head, are they going to get food without us??! Let's go after 'em!"

Sano grabbed Yahiko by the collar, holding him off the ground.

"Whoa there, Munchkin. I think we should leave them be."

Yahiko glared at Sano. "I'm no Munchkin! Wait…what? Do you really think…"

Sano set Yahiko down.

"I don't know, kid. But Kenshin can't hold back for forever…"

Sano looked out the gate his two friends had gone though.

"Come on Kenshin, just give in…for your sake and the Little Missy's."

Kenshin ran a hand through his thick, red hair, sighing sadly. He wanted to protect Kaoru so badly but it seemed he only brought her danger and pain.

"I should leave, that I should." He whispered to the wind. "Otherwise…"

"Kenshin!" Kaoru's voice called out.

Kenshin shut his eyes tightly.

'Why Miss Kaoru? You will only make this harder…' He thought to himself in agony.

Sighing he turned to face her worried expression, panting from her run. At the sight of her wind blown hair and heaving body, Kenshin had the all too familiar urge to wrap her up in his arms and hold her small body to his. At the urge, Kenshin turned away from her and began walking. Why was he feeling like this?

"You should return home, that you should." He said, trying to sound cheerful.

"But Kenshin…"

"Please Miss Kaoru." He pleaded, knowing he could not say no to her…even if he wanted to leave he could not if she asked him not to. It would be much easier without her around to tempt him.

Angered, Kaoru threw a pebble at Kenshin's head.

"Oro?" He gasped as he turned to look at her, eyes wide with confusion.

Kaoru's eyes were brimmed with tears of fury, her fists clenched.

"Himura Kenshin!" She shouted, causing his eyes to widen even more. "Just stop it!"

Kenshin blinked as she continued.

"Not _everything _is your fault! What happened back there was _not _your fault! For Heaven's sake I shouldn't have spooked you!"

Kenshin looked away, eyes cast down.

"Miss Kaoru I should not have…I could have…"

Kaoru grabbed the sleeves of his gi desperately, causing him to look at her in shock. His heart shattered at the sight before him. Kaoru was looking at him desperately, tears falling down her cheeks.

"But you _didn't _Kenshin!" She sobbed, trying to get him to see and forgive himself. "Yes you have made mistakes in the past but listen, we _all _make mistakes. Yes you were the Battousai, yes he is a part of you but you have beaten yourself up for far too long! It's over! Done! Everyone has forgiven and forgotten but you!"

Kenshin reached for her but caught himself and pulled away, digging his nails into the palms of his hands.

Kaoru touched his cheek tenderly, tracing the scar in a way that sent shivers down Kenshin's spine.

"Look at me Kenshin. No one at the dojo, the very dojo that you have been living in, is dead. You think you are going to cause our deaths one way or they other but you haven't and you won't."

Kenshin refused to look at her, feelings of guilt and desire running though his body and soul.

Frustrated and hurt with the way Kenshin treated himself, Kaoru pulled away, more tears falling from her usually glittering eyes.

"Kenshin!"

"Miss Kaoru…"

"Don't 'Miss Kaoru' me! Kenshin yes, Tomoe is dead! But YOU did not kill her!! And you are not going to kill US! Kenshin, look at me! I'M not dead!!"

"Miss Kaoru please…"  
But Kaoru was too furious and hurt. She was tired of Kenshin beating himself up and distancing himself from others just because of _her_.

"I'M NOT TOMOE KENSHIN! _I'M _STILL ALIVE! AND I AM ALIVE BECAUSE OF _YOU_!"

A tear slipped down Kenshin's cheek as he stared at the trembling young woman before him. His heart was pounding furiously with the need to hold her, to touch her…

Suddenly, Kenshin's eyes flashed a brilliant gold color. He knew she was not Tomoe. They were complete opposites. Tomoe was quite and always seemed so sad where Kaoru…Kaoru never ran out of energy. She spoke her mind and stood up for herself and those she cared about. He hardly ever saw her sad…and, as guilty as it made him feel, Tomoe's smile never made his heart flip like _hers _did.

"I am very aware that you are not Tomoe…"

He grumbled.

Kaoru's lip began to tremble. He would never want her. She was nothing compared to the perfection that was Tomoe. Kenshin saw that hurt expression in Kaoru's eyes and his stomach clenched.

"Miss Kaoru, no…"

Kaoru looked up at him, her will broken. The fire in her eyes that made her Kaoru was gone, which made Kenshin's soul scream.

"I know I am not that strong but…I _try _to protect you! I _try _to heal you emotional wounds, Kenshin…but I…"

Kenshin couldn't stop himself from rushing toward the pure young woman who had stolen his fragile heart.

"I'm sorry Miss Kaoru, that I am…" He whispered as he reached for her.

Kaoru pulled away, shaking her head.

"I don't want you to be sorry all the time, Kenshin!"

Kenshin ignored her as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. Kaoru blinked in shock, her face flushing as her heart was sent to rapid fluttering. Gripping his gi, Kaoru savored the moment by taking in the feel of him, by nuzzling against him. This time it was his turn to blush innocently.

Feeling relief at the feel and comfort of her against him, Kenshin fought his blush as he rested his head against hers.

"Miss Kaoru…I meant that you are much more spirited, that I did. Miss Kaoru I never could have dreamt up a better friend than you." He whispered into her hair, the smell making him dizzy. "How did I ever get so lucky?"

Kaoru blushed at the compliment and strange amount of affection he was giving her.

"No Kenshin…_I'm _the lucky one." She whispered.

Kenshin once again could not stop himself from hugging her closer or from burying his face into her wonderful hair and he cursed himself for it. He wanted this so badly, he wanted _her_. He wanted to forget his horrible past and allow himself to love his Kaoru.

Kenshin stiffened. Love? _His _Kaoru? Kenshin's whole body began to throb and he became increasingly dizzy with the realization. Eyes wavering, Kenshin looked down at the girl in his arms.

'What have I done?' He thought to himself.

Sensing that something was wrong, Kaoru lifted her head just enough so that she could look up at Kenshin, who's heart stopped when their eyes met.

"Kenshin?" She asked worriedly.

"Miss Kaoru I…"

Kaoru cocked her head as she lifted her hand to feel his forehead for fever. Kenshin struggled to hold back a sigh at her soft touch.

"K-Kaoru…" He grunted.

Kaoru blinked and gasped in shock. Did he just say her name without the formality? She smiled with hope and love.

Suddenly Kenshin seemed to realize what he had done for he pulled away from her, eyes wide.

"Miss Kaoru I…" He stammered but was interrupted by Kaoru grabbing his collar and pulling him down to her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered before pulling his lips down to hers.

Kenshin's eyes widened, "Oroing" in his mind, while electric shocks of pleasure spread through his body. His hands twitched with the need to run themselves over her but before he could Kaoru pulled away. Awed, Kenshin brought a hand to his mouth, which still tingled and begged for more.

"Kenshin…I'm so sorry…" But this time Kenshin was the one to interrupt by wrapping her in his arms, holding her close with a goofy smile on his handsome face.

"Don't ever be sorry, Kaoru." He whispered, purposely dropping the formality.

"Huh?" Kaoru whispered, confused.

Kenshin just clutched her even tighter to him.

"Forgive me for being so selfish Kaoru but I…I should leave. It is the only way to truly protect you but I…I _can't _leave you."

Kaoru grinned, relief surfing her veins as tears blurred her vision.

"R-really?"

Kenshin leaned so that their lips were almost touching.

"I _want _you to heal me Kaoru…" He breathed. "You are the only one who can."

Kenshin then gently touched his lips to hers; kissing her softly like he always wanted since the day they had met.

"I love you, Kaoru." He whispered in between kisses, daring, praying that she would not get harmed.

'Don't take her…' He pleased with God. 'Not this one…not my Kaoru.'

(So what did you think? Let me know:) )


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